Mike had a lot of "moms". Sadly once he turned 7 he stopped thinking of his bio as mom and just used her name, That to me is a tragedy not just for Michael but the woman who by circumstance or choice missed one amazing kid. But 24 homes in 10 years he had a lot of people who wanted him to call them mom, sadly none of them mothered him . The foster system that fails children , sadly failed my son year after year. Mom was word , a person who had control over his life and control to unroot , unnerve or send him away. That my friends is the suckiest word association ever.
Before Ty was dad, we originally told Mike he did not have to call us mom until he wanted to . For the first time it was on his terms .I won't lie , it was hard and weird to be so in love with your child and have to restrain yourself, to let him come to you. To have him believe you are different than every other mom that came in and often wrecked him.He was my son from day one , him seeing us a parents not caregivers took a bit.I prayed those first few months to give me the strength to go slow , to not overwhelm him, to let him see through actions not words that he had us forever.
The first time he called me mom took me by surprise. It had been Rachel pretty steadily and sadly "mom sandy" ( his foster mom) and trust me so jealous. We skyped 2-3 times a day until he came home , often for hours,watching him do homework , sharing weird teen humor and culture or just answering questions. He had sent me a link I was watching and I guess he said my name a few times while I was watching it . Than BAM he slammed his palm on the desk and said "MOM !!!!!"
He was annoyed but it was the best sound in my life , teenage angst and all.
Mike was very quick to say I love you after he came home and you could feel that love . Mom at times though seemed tentative , like something that could and had been taken away or denied. He never understood he made me a better parent because we had to learn to not parent to our preconceived notions or beliefs but instead parent to his needs of boundaries, safety and love. We parented not for us but instead parented to help him find the best version of him. Like any teen he faltered and made dumb mistakes but he was understanding that path. More importantly he wanted that.
4 months into being home kiddo had a scope done because of severe stomach pains. Sadly like many kids in prolonged care, stress had damaged his body . In care ,Mike's case notes of him "faking stomache aches for attention" turned out to be an ulcer.I am proud to say a year into his new life , his real life ,the ulcer was non issue. Babies first medical procedure and Ty and I were flipped, Mike by the way lightweight with anesthetic.After the procedure he crashed for like 6 hours and woke up starving. I remember saying baby what do you want ? He wanted paprikash and he thought of that as the comfort food dish that tied him to home. After he ate he came and laid on the couch and me . He looked at me and said "mom your never leaving me " My response given our reality right now stands out. " love I am never leaving you , your ours forever this life and next " Cool mom he said.
From that moment on when he said mom, when he said dad ,the inflection was different , there was meaning and association he never had before. A realization of us being the who in his life not that what. Mike was always meant to be ours and us his , in that moment though he understood it , his heart told him it was safe.
That was my baby's first word to me , the first time he understood the power of his word.
I thank God that he lets my son come through to me and in my heart I hear mom .
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